Great Expectations

Last night we took the river boat cruise with our new friends from Colorado and a bunch of their agency group families. The night was fun, the weather was perfect-70-ish.

As I look over this kaleidoscope of parents and children I am amazed at how God has uniquely place each child in each family and has prepared each one for the future- whatever that may look like- and some will be very different than others.

I am not going to put any names in here because I don't know many of the people and the names can probably be switched out from month to month. Here is what I am talking about.

There are "old" parents here, and not so old, there are first time parents and veteran parents, there are kids with no "special needs" and some with severe special needs, there are happy, quickly attaching kids and grumpy, miserable kids.

I must confess that the quickness of our process has not allowed much time for me to think about all the possibilities of what might go wrong, and I often mull those kinds of things over in my head before making a final decision. This time I really didn't have time to waste thinking about what might go wrong- and something can always go wrong.

So at the start of our process we just started walking and I figured that God would give us exactly what we needed. With each dollar that went out I was more and more convinced that God was going to allow us to get John, since it didn't seem like good stewardship of God's money to put it all out there and not return with him, but even in that there was some questioning whether God would really allow us to complete the process- and it looks like we are almost there. I tried very hard to not get too attached to the idea to then have those hopes dashed on the rocks of God's providence.

As I watch some of the parents interact with their kids I can't help notice that some must have some pretty large expectations of what the process will be like. This in no way is intended to be a slam on anyone. Most of the people around us are rookies, just like us, in this process. Some have bio's and some do not. What will it be like? Will my new child actually like me; will I like them? What if I really love them and they are non committal? What if they are just mean and angry? "I have spent a lot of time and money to make this happen and they don't seem to care about that at all. In fact I have just spent all my life savings and all my vacation and sick pay to make this happen they don't seem to be thankful at all". Those kinds of thoughts surely are running through some minds- not all and maybe not out loud- but watching some body language this seems to be the case.

With our biological children we may not go through those kinds of thoughts, immediately, since we get them when they are tiny and can't reject us right off the bat, so there is time to work through the idea that your kids are angry and they don't like you. Much of the deficiency I see in them I can blame on myself and poor parenting, where with these new kids we may not have earned the level of separation they are giving.

Expectations, for sure, play a large part here. When we are expecting our bio children, we think they are going to be the cutest babies on the planet and they are going to change the entire world, for good. What happens when they arrive strange looking and turn out rebellious? They are still our kids and we still love them, it's just harder to have it all make sense. Good parents are supposed to get good kids- right? Just because we do the right thing doesn't mean that good is always returned. It doesn't take too much Bible reading to see that. Which leads me to my point.

As I watch a couple- none actually pictured in my mind right now- who seems to be very kind, trying to connect with their new child and the child is angry, for some unknown reason, it has to hurt. Thinking about all the planning, time and money that has gone into coming half way around the world to be treated this way by a small child is heart breaking and frustrating. Maybe this is a good reminder of how our Heavenly Father feels so often. The distance He went, the cost He paid, the time He took to make our adoption happen and how often do we act like angry little children? We think we know what is best for us when we don't have a clue. We cross our arms and don't want to talk to our Father, or any one else for that matter. It's a good thing His had perfect expectations of what would happen. It's a good thing He is long suffering with our hard hearts and unloving attitudes. It's a good thing our adoption does not depend on our own goodness any more than our newly adopted children's process depends on them. WE are His kids because HE said so and they are our kids because He allows it to happen.

The expectations are human. Each child is different and every family is also different. I don't want to bring grief to The One Who had such a cost to bring me into His family. I want to help others work through the process, if this is what He has called them to, and be ready to take what He gives. I want to be ready to accept what He gives, but my fleshly desires get in the way and cloud the view.

Trying to be an encouragement to some here who really need it and trying to help you all think through the process that may be coming your way in the future. God is Good- All the Time.